A Hold On Hope
by Shefali12
Summary: A friend's death leaves Lily feeling hopeless about the future. One-shot.


**Disclaimer:- You know the drill; own nil. **

**A/N:- Another jily one-shot because I have holidays this week. Yay!**

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Lily miserably sat down on the rubble causing some dust to fly. Hot tears threatened to flow and all she could do to keep from crying is convince herself that it would get better. It may not happen immediately or anytime in the near future but it would happen. It had to happen. How long could the wizarding world survive like this?

The cold wind rustled in the all too familiar ground. She had been there several times before.

She bent down and gently moved the scorched pebbles. They were hot under her fingertips but not scalding like they had been.

This was the fourth attack that week. And like the previous attacks, there was no evidence to tie the culprits to it. But she knew who was responsible. She knew that much and she also knew that there wasn't anything she alone could do to stop him, them.

Her breath was caught as she noticed Gideon exit the edifice. Could it even be called an edifice now that the place had been torched to the ground? The house stood weakly balanced on unstable pillars and miraculously, the roof remained upright. So far.

Lily nearly tripped as she got up. She scrambled across the garden to where Gideon conversed with Dumbledore. Troubled, awful looks on both of their faces but one couldn't blame them.

She halted to an unsteady stop when she was within earshot.

Gideon was speaking with a clenched jaw, his dark auburn hair clinging to his sweaty forehead, "…not one. Not one survivor. They didn't even spare the children!" Gideon kicked a stray stone with great force.

Lily felt something inside her break and crumble. Her breathing came in ragged gasps.

This couldn't actually be happening.

There was no controlling the tears now. They flowed down, warm against her cool cheeks. She tried to speak clearly; what came out instead were words interrupting a line of dreadful, hitched sobs, "Did you…What about….And Marley?"

Gideon's face fell when he noticed her presence. He pursed his lips, walking to her to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. Dumbledore remained where he stood in terse silence. Each second weighed on Lily, feeling endless.

"Lily, you really ought to go home," his voice was gentle, understanding. "This stress can't be good for the baby."

Lily shook her heads, rubbing away her tears only for fresh ones to take their place. She spared a glance at her swollen belly before she looked up at him with desperation shining in her eyes. In a quiet croak, Lily asked, "Where is she?"

'She' was Marlene Mckinnon, Lily's best friend throughout their life at Hogwarts and her companion when she joined the Order. Marlene had witnessed most of the great things in Lily's life. She had supported Lily when Lily had had a final falling out with Severus. Marlene had helped Lily pick out clothes for her first date with James. Marlene had held her bouquet as her maid of honor in her wedding. Marlene was among the first to know about Lily's baby and the one to assure Lily that having a baby was a good thing, brilliant even. Marlene had shared uncountable laughs with Lily and perhaps even more cries. She couldn't be gone just like that.

Marlene needed to be there when Lily had her baby and she certainly had to be there to help Lily name her baby, disputing all the rubbish names James and Sirius suggested.

Lily's lip quivered and she pressed on when Gideon didn't answer immediately, "Well?"

Gideon wiped his brow, breathing heavily. He shook his head, a subtle gesture that she could have easily missed if she wasn't looking intently at him, "I don't think it's a good idea."

Lily opened her mouth to contend but Gideon cut her off, "No, Lily. Don't do this to yourself. Go home. You should be home. Take care of your health and the baby's."

Lily bit back a sob and as she did so, her body shook, "She-she can't…be…gone. Not like this."

Gideon stroked her back, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

Lily had nearly forgotten Dumbledore was present until he spoke, grim and impassive. Although, the twinkle in his blue eyes were gone, replaced by the sheen of pain. "Lily, James will be finished any moment. I suggest you go home and rest. It has been a long day."

Lily stared listlessly at the ground, starting to sway slightly. She sighed, wiped her tears and said in as normal a tone as she could manage, "I'd rather not go back to an empty house."

Dumbledore knew there was nothing that would convince Lily to go home. He quietly and quickly sent a patronus charm without Lily knowing any better.

Gideon felt his eyes becoming wet. He raised one dirty, soot soaked arm to wipe the water from his eyes.

"Why her?" Lily asked after what felt like far too long. She looked up innocently at Dumbledore, noting the dismal gleam in his eyes. "She's not the only one who dared to speak up. We all did. But why did she have to suffer for it?"

Dumbledore sent her a watery smile, standing a little straighter, "There's no explanation or reasoning I could ever offer. Marlene wasn't caught completely off guard. She had seen this coming."

"No!" Lily protested, her voice growing shrill. "She never imagined this."

"She spoke of dying," Gideon stated softly. His chest rose with another deep breath. Looking off into the distance, he went on, "We've all talked about dying. We even considered it but she…" He trailed off shaking his head.

They grew quiet, allowing the cold air to envelop them.

"Remember Marlene as an exceptionally brave person, Lily. She'll never truly leave us," Dumbledore said under his breath, crossing his hands behind his back.

With that said, Lily's former professor began walking away, leaving Gideon and Lily still overcome with disbelief and remorse. It wasn't long until James arrived to take Lily home. Lily, ultimately, left with him but with some reluctance.

They apparated to the pathway of their little cottage in Godric's Hollow. James ushered Lily inside, seating her on the couch as he went to fetch her some hot chocolate.

He returned from the kitchen to find her in the exact position he had left her; sitting at the end of the couch with both hand in her lap and staring at the fireplace with lethargy. He sat down wordlessly beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a close embrace.

She took the cup of the hot liquid without second glance at him.

"I was talking to her this morning… through the fireplace. She was suggesting names, as a joke, I suppose. She asked me what I thought of 'Abel'," Lily smiled a small one in reminiscence.

"Abel, eh? Can't say I hate it. It does have a certain ring to it," James grinned, dropping a light kiss on her hair. "Abel Potter. The girls will fall head over heels for him."

Lily continued smiling weakly, "Hmm, personally, I liked 'Eaton'."

"Eaton Potter?" James' grin vanished instantly. He tried to smile but grimaced instead. "That's a good choice but let's keep brainstorming." He pulled the pillow behind his back out and set it at the opposite end of the couch muttering under his breath, "Better hope he doesn't look like an Eaton."

James stroked Lily's arm gently, "Marlene would have made an excellent godmother. But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"That's the thing. That's what's most frustrating. We've been in the Order for over a year and it just doesn't seem like we're making any difference," Lily's voice caught. Fresh tears flowed down her face and she felt James hug her tighter.

"That's not true. Didn't you say that every life counts? Last month, we helped a family of muggleborns settle into the muggle world. Of course it should never have come to that but they'll survive. We are making a difference, just not as significantly as we would have liked." James paused. "Every roadblock we place for Voldemort, no matter how minute, makes a difference."

Lily, setting the cup on the table, pulled her legs up on the couch and twisted to face her husband. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. "Hmm. I-I…" she sighed, "guess you're right."

James wasn't easily fooled. He knew that wasn't what she wanted to say, "What else is bothering you?"

Lily shut her eyes for a second, letting the world fade. When she opened them, she saw James looking down at her expectantly, "Considering all of this. Thinking about Marlene and her family…I don't know if we'll make it out alive, anymore. I don't think so, rather."

That had been bothering James lately as well, not that he would ever admit it. Admitting it made it seem more real. Admitting it would mean he actually had to deal with one more thing and honestly, he had more than enough to deal with at the moment.

"That's just a risk we'll have to take, won't we? But you know what, whatever happens, we're not alone and nor will we ever be. Come whatever, we'll make it through it, one at a time."

Lily bit her lip uncertainly.

"Don't believe that. We were lucky enough to survive this long. Who says our luck has to run out so soon?" James went on a little more confidently. He knew if he said it enough, even if it was something unbelievable, he could learn to believe it. Now all he had to was make Lily believe so.

"Marlene was in the same boat as us but her luck ran out," Lily argued.

James grudgingly agreed. She did have a point, after all. "Marlene got the short end. Lily, we will make it through, if only because we believe so. Assuming we didn't make it through the war, we sure as hell aren't going to let Voldemort have us believing that our chances of survival are as much as his at falling in love."

"That is a very weird analogy," Lily laughed, wincing slightly.

James didn't say anything for a long moment. Then he finally uttered, "Don't worry about Marlene now. She's alright. And Lily, you could think that we won't survive but we'll try our best to and I believe that we will. We'll make it through, alive."

Lily smiled, imagining the life they would have if they did get through this. She faintly imagined her son, as she had found out not too long ago. Absentmindedly touching her swollen belly, she smiled.

"We'll be alright," she whispered to her belly. She felt herself grow happier because they had just as good a chance as anyone else's to survive. They had support from their friends and a lovely family. And Marlene Mckinnon wasn't gone. Not really. She would live on as long as she was remembered. She would never be gone because Lily would never forget her.

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A/N:- And that's that


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